In Pursuit of Happiness

I mentioned in my last blog about the fact that money can't buy happiness, and although it is something that is said a lot, it is always scoffed at when it is raised. It makes perfect sense to me, but last week had me thinking about what exactly does it mean and why is it that so many people do not believe in the maxim.

The phrase, and the teachings behind it, come from Eastern philosophies, where the mind and the spirit being at one with nature and the environment that you exist in, is the key driver of happiness. The whole bit about a monk that owns nothing is the richest man on earth. Now I appreciate that this is not everyone's cup of tea, and I think it would be impossible to exist in the western world effectively, and do this. But there is some sense in the theory.

As long as you are wrapped up in the Western culture of more is more, and that material gain is king, then you will by definition never be happy. The chain will continue forever. No one can own everything in the world. As long as you strive for more then you will never fully appreciate what you have, and then true happiness will always evade you.

When I was a kid, I would be happier to be an adult. When I was an adult, I would be happier when the band took off. When the band fell through, I would be happier when I found a good job. When I had a good job, I would be happier when I had a pay rise. And so the chain goes on. This example does not even touch on the countless material possessions that I have had that would enrich my life, and the novelty wears off and I search for the next life changing device that would make me happier. There is no end.

YOU CAN NEVER WAIT FOR HAPPINESS, IT IS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

As long as you wait for something else to happen to make you happy then you will never truly be fulfilled. When that thing happens you will eventually need something else to happen.
Break the chain now. Reflect on everything that you have and appreciate it. Not just possessions, but everything in your life. We are so lucky compared to billions of people around the world, and the multiple billions that have lived through history. We are well off, in terms of health, opportunity and inspiration. Do not take this for granted.

Once you look at what you have, you will undoubtedly realise that you have too much. You can't concentrate on the good things because they are muddled in with the old, broken things.
Another example that everyone could benefit from. Recently, I looked through my clothes. Now, I have never bought that many clothes, not really my thing, but everything that I had was a favourite. I never threw anything out because I was emotionally attached to almost everything. But when I thought of the last time I wore something it was going back years. So I just threw away, or gave to charity, nearly everything that was in my drawers or wardrobe. It left me with a few t-shirts, my work suits and shirts that I still wear, (literally six shirts) and any sports kit that I still wear. Everything was clear. I then went out and bought some nice new things where I had gaps, and put them in my wardrobe. Now, before I used to look in my wardrobe I would never think that I had nice things because all I could see was the old, tatty stuff. Now when I look in my wardrobe, I see all the stuff that is pretty recent, and that I wear, this makes me now feel much better about it, and psychologically I now feel richer and better off.

The same applies for absolutely everything in your life. Do not hang on to things just because you might one day use it. If you haven't used it for a couple of years, then give it away. If by chance you do need it shortly after then treat yourself to something that you actually need (it probably needed updating anyway). You will have the money because you won't be wasting it on the other things that you don't need.

If you follow these simple rules then you will always be surrounded by nice things, you will always be happy, you will be existing in the Western world but maintaining your happiness, you will not want more all of the time. You will learn to appreciate what you have because you will always be looking at it from that perspective, rather than what you don't have.

This way when you hear the next person say that money can't buy you happiness, you do not have to scoff, but instead give a knowing nod to another enlightened soul that has moved away from the thought control that this culture injects into us.

It all makes sense, and since I have been making changes according to it, it has made a difference to me. It can make a difference to everybody.

To back it up, did you know that 90% of lottery winners lose their money within ten years. This is because they weren't happy beforehand, and so the promised land for them lie in possessions. Eventually their money runs out and they are still not happy. Just think of all the good they could have done, and the lasting happiness that they could have achieved.

"Keep what you've got, by giving it all away" - Ian Brown.

New Year, Same Revolution

The New Year is a time for reflection and new beginnings. It needn’t be, but as we are all influenced by the culture around us, there is no getting away from the constant reminders at this time of the year to have a resolution of some description. People should constantly reflect on their own lives and make promises to themselves to improve parts of it, otherwise they are just wasting time. And that time is precious when you consider how quickly the past year has gone.

In 2008 my journey through life has progressed quite substantially. At this time last year I was still coming to terms with fatherhood and trying to make the step from “hospitalised detailed parent” to “relaxed normal life parent”. The transition has been difficult and there isn’t really anyone that can help, you just have to keep going. I particularly think it’s hard for Dad’s because you don’t get a chance to completely leave one life and carry on with another. You have to keep going with the life that caused you stress and anxiety before you had kids, and then add on a load more anxiety and stress, especially in our case. I found that very hard near the beginning of the year, but I have made a massive leap forwards in my own mind with regards to this.

Also, I went on a bit of a self-discovery journey, to understand who I really was and what I should be doing. That was a good period, where I had a lot of energy, and truly found some answers that had been evading me for the last ten years. It made me feel passionate about the things that I want to move towards, and not so down on the things that I am doing at the moment, as they are just a means to an end and I know the purpose of them. I think this will be hugely beneficial to me in the future, and already I am making progress with most of my goals.

Specifically, I have started writing the book that I have always wanted to write, and although it is hard going, I’m on the journey. Our finances are really sorted out now, not only are we on top of everything that we need to be, we also have an aggressive plan to knock off as much of our mortgage as possible in the next 4 years. One of the best things that we have changed about the way we live is simplification. We always ask ourselves do we need it, rather than just want it, and therefore we try not to waste money on unnecessary items. Obviously occasional things slip through, and I’d like to introduce the newest member of our family, the Epiphone Hummingbird, my seventh and sweetest guitar. But we also show our appreciation to others that help us, especially the people that help Sophie on a daily basis. This is one of my main drivers for eliminating my debt, to have the ability to help others. Money does not bring you happiness, that is guaranteed, but it does give you choices. The choices you then make are in your control, but rather than increasing your material wealth there are many other choices you could make.

So, compared with previous years, I feel that I have moved much further towards my future happiness, and not just wasted another year.

As for 2009, well, I have promised to myself that I will get fit. It is definitely something that I have always wanted but never had the time to fit it in. But now I will fit it in, and I have joined the Gym at work in order to be able to be flexible around workload but also not sacrifice any of my time back home with the family. We shall see how this progresses, but it has started well.

I really want to finish at least a first draft of my book this year, but it takes so long that it may prove to be unrealistic. I want to start getting up earlier, and hopefully trying to write a blog in the morning before work. I have started doing this inconsistently, and I wouldn’t mind really making this habit stick.

It is also no surprise that I am a bit of a new-age hippy, and into the Eastern philosophies, and for this reason I really want to dedicate 10-15mins a day to meditation. I find that this really helps me to remain calm and keep things in perspective. It is easy to not do, but then it is only when everything gets on top of me that I remember to do it again. To make this a habit would be great.

So, here goes for 2009. I wish everyone all the best for the coming year, and hope that what ever promises or plans that people have made, they come true and bring you the happiness that you initially thought they would.