Strange Days

Occasionally one finds themselves dropped in to some surreal situation, where they cannot really work out how they happened to be there or how exactly it would end. This happened to me last Friday when I found myself in one of the Executive Vice Presidents offices of AstraZeneca with my arm round them.

First of all may I just say that this was at their request not mine, and yours truly will not be having any charges made against him, or restraining orders slapped down.

The VP in question is leaving, after single handedly ruining our department and the morale of a reasonably professional team, and moving to a terrible posting as the President of the Portugal Marketing Company. Obviously everyone's hearts we're bleeding as they heard this news, and the sense that she would be sorely missed was present in everyone's minds. The fact that she had justified a collection of £16 amongst 60 people speaks louder than any way I could describe it.

So, we gathered on her last day to celebrate the passing of one of our times great leaders, and we stood there and listened to the drivel that was subjected at us, almost like a medieval collection of jesters that were gathered before their Queen.

After she had been presented with her gift of a build your own board game, and wait for it, a set of crystal wine glasses (how did these come out of £16) the surreal times started to begin. Either Harry Potter had just cast a money spell, or her PA had somehow robbed a jewellers. Either option is quite unbelievable, and I started to feel as though I was draped off of a tree in Salvador Dali's much celebrated "Time".

In the end, we tramped back to our desks like an army of ants going back to the hill, and put our noses back on the grindstone. Only to be interrupted again by her PA stating that the VP would like a picture in her office with the "Team".

Well, considering that 90% of us had never been her office before, the fact that she was going to compose a picture of her team all around her desk was most definitely conjuring up a slightly distorted view of reality. But we obeyed, as we can still hear the cries of those that haven't obeyed in the past, and we all walked into her office.

We all lined up on either side of her, and I was picturing the camera being an AK47 and we were in an execution party, but there was no room for the second in charge. Oh, no, what to do.

It was okay, he immediately dropped to his knees in a manner that gave away that he had probably done that before in this office, and we continued. A couple of shots were taken and we started to disperse.

"Everyone stay for one more, but this time lets put our arms round each other."

At this point, I was struggling to keep it together, and so it all happened in a blur. I was thinking of The Office and David Brent's unfortunate manner, while all around me people were putting their arms around the person next to them in a sign of solidarity. We all managed to grasp each other, and I even had my fingertips on the Queen Bee, but No. 2 was still on the floor with no one to clutch. So he ended up with his two hands aloft either side of him with the people nearest him holding a hand each.

We resulted in looking like the end of a West End musical, in the Vice Presidents office. I wonder if the market investors have any knowledge of this Carry On Corporate that goes on in the 8th largest company in the FTSE100. I doubt it.

Hopefully that photo will be framed somewhere in Lisbon, to remind her of the day that she had friends, even if it was for only a minute.

Also, I just want to mention another completely surreal news story this week, involving Ronaldo. For those of you that have been living in a cave at the bottom of the Great Barrier Reef all week, he has won the Premiership and the Champions League with Manchester United but could now move to Real Madrid.

It is stated that he currently earns a pittance of £100k a week, but now Real Madrid are rumoured to be offering £300k a week after tax. Obviously the loyalty that he should give Man United for nurturing him into the Best Player in the World is non existent, and who can blame anyone for not being able to live on £100k a week!!

At what point does the amount of money that you make become irrelevant. What more can Ronaldo do with £300k a week, that he cannot do now. I am baffled by the amounts that footballers earn. £75m over 3 years. He could be injured for them all. Strange days.